


We Pick Ourselves Undone

by scilessweetheart



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Stiles Stilinski, Bisexual Stiles Stilinski, Coming Out, F/M, Lydia is a Good Friend, Scott is a Good Friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:02:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27256144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scilessweetheart/pseuds/scilessweetheart
Summary: For Asexual Awareness Week!!Between the ADHD, the anxiety, and the dead mom, Stiles was used to being an outsider. Then, there were werewolves and nogitsunes. Discovering his asexuality was just another thing to add to his list of "weird things about Stiles". Luckily, his friends are there to remind him that he isn't broken like he thinks he is.
Relationships: Lydia Martin/Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski, Sheriff Stilinski & Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 1
Kudos: 76





	We Pick Ourselves Undone

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Flaws by Bastille
> 
> Happy Asexual Awareness Week everyone!! I'm so excited to be publishing this story. I've been meaning to write about this headcanon of mine for a while, and figured there was no better time than this week. This is also kind of a rant fic about how I've been feeling lately. Disclaimer: this story is based on my own personal experiences and obviously doesn't reflect the opinions/feelings of everyone else on the asexuality spectrum. Also, a minor TW that there is internalized aphobia.
> 
> This takes place from season 3A to after season 3B, with the minor deviation from canon that is Stydia and no Stalia.

Stiles was no stranger to being an outsider.

First, there was the ADHD. Hyperactive, talkative, and a non-existent attention span. He was diagnosed at age seven, to the surprise of no-one. Then, there was the anxiety and panic attacks, which came after his mom died and never really went away. Oh, and his mom died. That’s an important thing to note too.

After Stiles’ long list of personal issues, there was the other stuff. The werewolves, most notably. The distinct lack of popularity that has followed him since he started school, despite his position on the lacrosse team. That is pretty much it in that area, but the werewolves are a pretty big deal.

The asexuality was just another addition to a long list.

He has pretty much always known he was bisexual. He’s never had a boyfriend, obviously. He’s never had a girlfriend, either. But ever since he was old enough to have an attraction to those around him, boys have been included on that list. He was out and proud and no one seems to have a problem with it. That isn’t an issue for him.

It wasn’t until he was researching things, like he always does, that he could tack on another label. He was looking up information about bisexuality because he was bored and it is relevant information to him, when he came across descriptions of other sexualities. Heterosexuality, homosexuality, pansexuality, and finally asexuality. While he knew what the first three were, it was the last one that confused him. Asexuality – the lack of sexual attraction.

Unlike a lot of the personal stories he read, he didn’t feel an instant connection to that identity. Although, it was probably the denial. It was pretty obvious that relationships would be harder for him, and he didn’t want that. But the more he read about it, the more it seemed to make sense.

Looking back, it shouldn’t have surprised him.

His first kiss wasn’t like what everyone described to him. It was wet and messy, which he had heard. It was also deeply uncomfortable and unenjoyable, leaving him with no desire to do it again. It hadn’t even technically been a bad kiss. It was outside an ice skating rink with the friend of a girl Scott liked when he was fifteen. It was average. But he still didn’t like it. And it didn’t get better. With Heather, his most recent kiss, it had felt forced and he did it because he should. What was he supposed to do? Tell a whole party of people he thought kissing sucked? So, he kissed her back.

His feelings for Lydia didn’t quite match normal, either. While he heard the lacrosse team make frequent comments about her body, it had never been about that. While they talked about her ass, or something equally, if not more, vulgar, he appreciated the other things. Her pretty hair. How smart she is. How she actually has a good sense of humor. He wishes he could say it was because he’s just polite and better than them. It’s actually because he could not care less about any of that stuff.

He also figures he shouldn’t have had to force himself to make sex jokes. Everything he’s said about sex, such as his long rant to Scott about how “someone needs to sex him right now” was totally faked. He just knows that is what is expected of him. Maybe he overcorrected, but it’s better they think he’s super into that stuff instead of him being weird and broken.

This all lead up to where he was right now: in Scott’s kitchen, while the other boy gave him a confused look.

“You’re what?”

“Ace. Asexual. Yeah.”

He hadn’t meant to come out to Scott right there. He hadn’t meant to at all, actually. He figured that would be a pretty awkward thing to tell his friend, especially because he’s acted the opposite for so long. But he can’t keep his mouth shut, and just blurted it out impulsively, so now he’s forced to explain himself.

“Can you- what does that mean?” Scott seems at a loss for words.

“It means I don’t want sex. I’m not attracted to people like that.”

Scott knits his eyebrows together in confusion. “But you’ve said stuff before?”

Stiles just shrugs. “Well, yeah. What else am I supposed to do? ‘Yeah, I’m so glad to hear people are being ritually sacrificed for being virgins, considering that’s me and will be me for the foreseeable future.’ Or ‘I’m a teenage boy, who is uninterested in sex.’ I’m sure that’ll go over real well, Scott.” He laughs nervously.

“When did you know?”

“Since maybe a year ago? I don’t know.” He scuffs his feet against the floor, avoiding the hurt look from Scott.

“And you didn’t tell me sooner?”

“Well. I didn’t really know how. And to be honest, I wasn’t planning on ever telling you. I didn’t see why it was important.”

Scott scoffs at him. “Of course it’s important! I don’t need you to pretend to be something you’re not.” He leans back against the counter next to Stiles and says in a softer voice, “What made you change your mind?”

“Lack of control.” He jokes.

Scott gives him an amused look, probably to ease his anxiety, before saying sincerely. “Thank you for telling me.”

Stiles smiles at him, before the microwave beeps.

That went better than expected. Not that he expected him to be rude or unaccepting, obviously. Scott doesn’t have a disloyal bone in his body. But the unwavering support and validation makes him feel better. It also helped to finally get it off his chest.

The next time he comes out, it is also an accident. He regrets it immediately.

Lydia, for some unknown reason, likes him back. Like-likes him. The thought of it still makes him giddy. After that day she kissed him to stop his panic attack, things changed between them. Well, for starters, it cemented the fact that kissing sucks for him, because if he didn’t love kissing Lydia then he doubted he would like it with anyone else. But that’s not the point.

The point is, he’s got a date. With Lydia Martin. And he’s thrilled.

Currently, his dad is lending him some cash for the movie. Stiles stands there, tapping his foot as his dad digs for bills in his wallet. It’s not that Stiles doesn’t have money, because he does, as he works lacrosse summer camps for middle schoolers. It’s just that he doesn’t carry cash. Which is a fact he regrets in moments like this.

“I don’t need to give you the safe sex talk, do I?” His dad jokes.

“Hah, for sure not.” Stiles unthinkingly responds, not realizing what he said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Stiles freezes and tries to figure out how to respond. Ultimately, he decides to tell the truth. “I do not plan to be having sex. Like ever, probably. Well, maybe in a really long time, like if I’m married or something, but yeah it seems dumb.” He rambles.

The sheriff cocks his head in confusion. “How does a teenage boy not want sex?”

“It’s called being asexual, dad.”

“Oh. Alright.” The sheriff clears his throat awkwardly, before wiping non-existent dust off of his shoulder. “I don’t really understand but thanks for telling me?”

He can feel his face burn with embarrassment, but he tries to hide it. “Yep.”

He is less than pleased with the course of that conversation, honestly. He doesn’t know what else he expected though. It’s not like his dad has ever heard of asexuality or knows what it means. It’s not his fault and Stiles doesn’t blame him for his reaction. He has to admit though, his dads comment about how he is supposed to like sex stings. Because trust him, he knows that.

After he and Lydia have been dating for a few weeks, he decides he should tell her. He can tell there have been a few times where she expects him to kiss her, but he hasn’t for obvious reasons. But she doesn’t know that. He doesn’t want to upset her and, more importantly, wants to know if it’ll bother her that he doesn’t kiss her. One of his biggest fears is ending up alone for this reason, and that seems like a very real possibility for him.

“Listen, Lydia… there’s something I have to tell you.” He tells her one day, as they watch a movie in his living room.

“Yeah?” She sits up and looks at him nervously.

He stutters and looks down at his lap. “Um… I’m asexual.”

“Oh.” She doesn’t ask questions, which doesn’t surprise him. He should’ve known that he wouldn’t have to explain it to her like he did for Scott.

“Yeah. So obviously the whole sex thing is a no go for me. I also don’t really think I’m into kissing either, so if that’ll be a problem for you…”

She scoffs. “Of course not.”

His eyes dart up to look at her. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I am.” She tells him firmly, but he can’t help but be wary.

“Because I know that’s a deal breaker for some people – most people, actually – and I’d rather know now before I get too invested, because I don’t know what I’ll do-”

She cuts him off. “Stiles. It doesn’t matter to me.”

His shoulders sag in relief after seeing the intensity of her gaze, and he gives her a tentative smile. “Okay.”

So, they all know. Well, not everyone. He doesn’t think they all need to. But the three most important people in his life – his dad, Scott, and Lydia – all know. They all still love and accept him. He’s still working on accepting himself, though, and trying to find his place. Especially as a junior in high school.

After the disaster with the Nogitsune, things had gotten back to normal. Well, normal for Beacon Hills. Which includes the lacrosse season and the social events associated with it.

Stiles doesn’t understand why he goes to parties like this. Currently, he and Scott had just arrived at Danny’s house for a lacrosse team party, though it had unsurprisingly spiraled into a whole school affair. He hates things like this. He’s surrounded by horny teenagers grinding on each other, people making out, messy drunks, and gross party games. It’s his worst nightmare. A whole night of pretending to be superficially attracted to everyone around him. It helps that, within minutes of entering the house, Lydia’s hand is linked with his.

They wander around for a while, getting drinks and talking to their various friends. It is going pretty well, all things considered. Obviously, this means things have to get worse for Stiles.

“Let’s play a game!” Someone calls out, and their small group is somehow ushered over to the forming circle.

“Like what?” A girl he recognizes from the cheer team asks.

“Truth or dare, paranoia, spin the bottle… or seven minutes in heaven!”

Another one shrugs. “Sounds good to me.”

They all crowded around one of Danny’s empty bottle. It was Danny, him, Scott, Lydia, Kira, Malia, five other members of the lacrosse team, and four cheerleaders that Stiles didn’t know the name of.

The first person it landed on was Collins, who he recognized, and Malia, who he had already seen down three cups of beer. He isn’t sure what will happen and he’s not sure he wants to, especially based on Malia’s desperation for regular human experiences after her time spent as a coyote.

He spends the next seven minutes panicking, wondering what will happen when the bottle lands on him. He has the excuse of having a girlfriend who, conveniently, is right next to him. That should prevent him from having to do anything else. But still, the whole environment just puts him on edge.

Collins and Malia emerge with disheveled clothes and hair seven minutes later.

The next spin of the bottle unfortunately lands on Stiles.

“Stilinski!” He freezes.

Lydia stands and brushes off her dress before shooting Stiles a look. “Hey, why don’t we skip the second spin.”

“Afraid of what he’ll do in there without supervision from his girlfriend?” One of the cheerleaders teases her.

“Nope, just don’t want to waste an opportunity.” She winks before grabbing his hand and tugging him to his feet.

The two headed over to the closet, ignoring the wolf-whistles of the other members of the group. The second the door is closed, he sits and she kneels down in front of him.

“What’s wrong?” She asks him quietly.

He brushes her off. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine.”

“Well, I am.” It comes off harsher than he intended.

“At least you ended up in here with me instead of one of the cheerleaders. They look like they’d jump at the chance to mount you.”

Stiles feels his heart squeeze in his chest. “Thanks for the vivid picture, Lyds.”

“Anytime.”

“Also, that’s just not true.”

She rolls her eyes at him. Or at least he thinks she does – he can barely see her in the dark of the closet. “In case you haven’t noticed, Stiles, you got hot and popular. And I’m not just saying that because I’m dating you. It all changed that night at the lacrosse game, where you won us the game. The finals, sophomore year.”

“You remember that?” His voice comes out softer than he means it to.

“Of course I do.” She tells him incredulously. “Can you talk to me now?”

“I-” He tries to talk but his voice catches in his throat and he can only feel the pounding of his chest.

He doesn’t realize he’s having a panic attack until he hears her say “Stiles, breathe with me.”

She pulls him into a tight hug and exaggerates her breathing so he can match it. He struggles at first, but he sinks into the hug and manages to be able to breathe normally enough that the spots disappear from his vision.

After about sixty seconds, he finally manages to weakly tell her “Lydia- you shouldn’t be with me. I’m broken.”

She pulls away from him and grips his shoulders tightly, staring into his eyes. “Stiles Stilinski – don’t ever let me hear you say that again.”

“Do you know that this is hell for me? Sitting around at a party like this, hearing people make out and crack sex jokes all night? It just reminds me that I’m messed up, okay? What kind of idiot doesn’t want to kiss his own girlfriend?” He whispers angrily at her, trying to look anywhere but at her face.

“Oh, Stiles.” She loosens her grip and begins to rub his shoulder affectionately. “Stiles, no. There is nothing wrong with you, okay? Some people like kissing girls, some like kissing boys, some like kissing anyone, and then there are people who don’t like kissing at all. Or sex. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter to me, I know it doesn’t matter to Scott, or anyone else who knows you.”

He scoffs bitterly. “There are plenty of other people who disagree.”

“I don’t care about them, and you shouldn’t either.” She sits back and leans against the wall opposite of him. “Even if you don’t like that stuff, you are still the most affectionate person. You give the best hugs. And you are so smart and an incredible conversationalist. When you aren’t being an asshole, of course.”

He gives her a small, watery smile. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.” She wipes the stray tears off his face and straightens his shirt. “Now, we still have about three minutes left. Talk to me about Starwars.”

“You didn’t like Starwars. You thought it was boring and scientifically inaccurate.”

“But I like you. And I like listening to you talk.”

He could’ve cried again. He didn’t deserve her. Instead of focusing on that, though, he begins to ramble. “I hate Anakin Skywalker. I know you’ve heard me say this before, but he’s a little child murdering bitch boy…”

At the end of his rant, he hears the timer go off somewhere outside the door. They both stand, and Lydia ruffles his hair a little bit before smudging her lipstick. He grins at her, seeing what she is doing, before they exit the closet. Stiles legs shake as he walks, despite the fact that he is feeling better than earlier. Lydia gestures to Scott, who picks up on the message, and stands up as well. The small group of five then leave, only for their spots to be immediately filled by others.

Despite the fact that they spent no more than twenty minutes at the party, they leave and head towards Stiles’ Jeep. Lydia, Kira, and Malia walk in front, talking about some plans they have for the weekend, while Scott hangs back to talk to Stiles.

“You okay, dude?” Scott asks him, probably smelling the residual panic on him.

Stiles shrugs, staring forward at the girls in front of them. “Yeah, just a minor existential crisis. Nothing new.”

“About what?”

“My inability to be a functioning human. Lydia had to help me through all three of my issues today – which, coincidentally, all start with A – and that is my ADHD and rambling, my anxiety and panic attacks, and my asexuality.” He jokes, but Scott doesn’t react.

“Sorry. Do you need to talk about it?”

“Nah, I think I’m okay for now.”

“Okay. But just so you know, you are definitely a functioning human. You’re one of the best humans. No matter your sexuality or anything else.” He pats him on the shoulder affectionately.

“Thanks.” Then he says, loud enough for the others to hear him, “Now, let’s get some ice cream!”

They all pile into his Jeep and head to the nearest ice cream shop, despite the fact that it’s April, and still mildly cold. Stiles orders two scoops of chocolate, obviously, and grabs a booth while the others order. He slides in the spot closest to the window, and about two minutes later, Lydia slides in next to him. The others follow suit soon after.

“This is so much better than cheap beer. Especially because I can’t even get drunk.” Scott says, consuming practically a whole scoop of ice cream in one bite.

Stiles smiles at the people around him. “Definitely.”

There is definitely more to him then just his asexuality. But that’s still apart of him. And he’s okay with that.


End file.
